TRANSFORMERS- Fuck ya!

I cannot believe that we got this house.  It seems like just yesterday we were getting married and stuck in this apartment forever and now we are buying a house!  We got it within 100 from the other bid put in and that blows my mind.  :)

I cannot wait to move in and make it my very own. yay.

Yay!

on a side note:
Its amazing to me that even when I am on top of the world how quick I let people  knock me down.

The house we looked at yesterday SUCKED.  We are going to look at another in the frandor area soon.  Lets hope that one is better. :)

 Ya know, I have been searching forever and who woulda guessed the husband would lead me to a new tattoo guy that I actually like?  Already thinking about getting another tatt on the other ankle.  it would be the skull boy to go with my skull girl. 

Mine:


Hubby

Why can't people just say what they mean and mean what they say?

Why does everything have to be so fucking hard?  i feel like i am always going out of my way for people and no one ever does for me?  Its just hard sometimes to figure out the hard stuff, I feel like its been this way most of my life.  I drive the girl I work with to and from work most days and she never even says thank you and some days is a down right bitch to me, yet I still do it. 

Take a person i am no longer friends with, i drove her around because she didn't drive, i was always going to her place to hang out and she never came to mine i was doing things for her and she never said thank you or anything like that its just frustrating, then 2 months before my wedding she couldn't even pick a dress to wear and i was being pushy about not doing it and she just said forget it she wouldn't be in it and we havent spoke since.

Zack is always saying that i do too much for people and never hold them accountable for things they don't do, that I try to hard to always make things perfect even if it means sacraficing my own feeling.  He is right, its tiring.  I have always been that way with my parents to, always trying to be perfect and good enough for everyone.

Its just been weighing heavy on my mind lately like looking back in my phone the last month or so most of the calls are from or to my mom.  its weird that no one ever calls me or trys to make plans, if I want to see anyone I have to call, or I have to make the plans.  Makes me wonder ya know?  Where did I go wrong?  What about me just isnt good enough?  

Ok time to go out for a smoke and wait for the husband to get home so I can take him to see Fox for his bday.      

why does life suck so bad?

This week -3

I would choose, Willow

Ok, so in shadow of miss christina being with baby and dana soon to be with baby after her wedding, solly having kids and knowing tara and stu will too, i found myself today thinking, when was my last peroid? Who the hell knows, at least a month and a half so I had to take a test to ease my nerves. 

I found myself waiting YEARS for the two minutes to be over and thinking I really really DON'T want kids and is there a part of me that is broken?  Is the girl gene, the part that wants that little baby to carry around, to love and hold and be a part of your life part broken?  The screaming, crying, pooping, puking and just all around needyness of it just terrifies me to tell you the truth.  It's just not something I see for myself  and thats ok, for me.  Not for others, people have gone as far as to advise me and Z not to wed because I didn't want them. 

My question, why is it not to ok to not want kids?  Why do people act so shocked that Z and I don't want kids?

And, incase you read all that crazyness just to know, I am not pregnant.  Thank you.

My upstairs neighbors were getting it on at 9 am on a SUNDAY, and I wasn't .   Epic fail.

why is life never black and white?

love:
Zack
Subway
My Family
My Friends
Sleeping In Til Noon
New Glasses
My Pets
Tattoos
Vampires
Being Barefoot
Hearing a Song That Touches Your Core
Art
Jack and Sally
Coffee With Soy Milk
Hooded Sweatshirts

whatever:
Work
Having Nothing to Do
Smoking
Cold Weather
Sitting At Home All Day
Cooking
Grocery Shopping
Doing Laundry
Money

hate:
Feeling Fat
Feeling Let Down
Feeling Like Everything is Crashing Down Around You
Feeling Like You Will Never Be Good Enough For Anyone
Drinking
Cleaning
Girly Girls
Mustard

I really like the spill canvas.......

one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

http://www.dedicationmovie.net/

christina, i thought of you when I watched it.  I think you may like it.

so, bitching and moaning under the cut.

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